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Fear of the fat

For the first time in many years, we celebrated Christmas and New Year as a whole family. Even though the apartment is too tiny for a family of 6, for the entire holiday break, we didn't mind and we were happy.

But then being complete means being around food and food loving people, all the time. My mother is always cooking, my father always wants to eat out, and us kids just eat everything served to us.

And so after all the revelries, I was saddened, but not surprised, that for the first time in my life, I exceeded xxx pounds. Looking for something to wear this morning was a struggle, cause somehow, all my pants became skin tight (Ima get your heart racing). I could no longer wear my world famous tucked dress shirt look because of my unsightly daddy tummy.

Of course I am alarmed. I've been there before. I was an overweight adolescent and when you're a fat kid, you get subjected to a lot of (mostly verbal) bullying. You get called names, you get laughed at, you get judged and you get blamed for something you don't completely understand. It was, for me, a heartbreaking phase. And honestly, when I lost a lot of weight in college (thank you ROTC+Walking for Fotness+horrible Kalayaan Residence Hall food), while my parents became very worried, I was secretly very happy.

Most of us wouldn't want to be fat. I know I don't want to. It's hard to lose weight now because I don't have the metabolism I once had. When I reduce food intake, I get really dizzy. But I will try again. I will do it for the fat kid who once got his wish of losing weight.

Also, new clothes are expensive.

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